I can’t describe it, the way he held me in his eyes as if I was something more than I was.
Because, I was and am and will always be nothing and no one.
and you too, but for a small part in my young life I was something to someone and it meant a lot.
or at least it felt like it should have.
I guess I’m always so late with my emotions that I forget you can read my face. You see the changing thoughts roll over me and you waited patiently for a response. And with each phase.
can’t help you.
and I did and I am and I’m good and no I’m really great.
or at least thats what I tell my mom when she calls because she doesnt get that space is not just a place for stars.
I needed time and I just took it, in the corner of your eye where you’re missing it and you’re about to miss me but it’s okay.
and it’s not okay.
and it’s okay to cry and people say that but when you’re crying, people try not to look at you and then I told her, I said you look really beautiful when you cry but what the fuck is a compliment when you feel so defeated? someone complimenting the thing that is unwavering still but not forever.
I’m just feeling it, and I don’t like it and I try to get away and I can’t so I just feel this.
and I’m writing stupid shit at 2 am so that’s happening again.